A Fallen Angel


TreeWalker
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Well guys....I've felt pretty convicted lately about getting in here, especially since I pushed so hard for this room, and so glad that others saw a need and a place for it....

But I haven't felt very worthy or justified to come in and visit with you all....I know it was the devil telling me I wasn't good enough alot of the time, and combine that with the fact that after my divorce last fall, I pretty much fell away from everything....the church, my faith somewhat, and those positive influences in my life....

Well recently I have met a woman and we have started dating, that is nothing short of amazing. I've thanked God so many times this past week for all of the UNanswered prayers, and blessing me with the one that mattered most.

I wasn't leading a very good life these past months, and was living selfishly to boot. But God saw something in me worth saving...again...I've got a long way to go, but there's a great woman in my life now that gives me a reason to live and a passion to live it, and a want to strive to be a better man.

I'm a long ways from where I was a year or so ago, and have a lot of forgiveness I need.....but I'm back out of the ditch and Im gonna try and stay on the road this time. Praise be to God, for his love and grace knows no boundaries.

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Life can throw us some real curve balls sometimes Clay. We don't always make the catch the way we should. Sometimes we fumble the ball, other times we just quit trying to catch it, because we get overwhelmed .

None of us deserve God's love and grace buddy, but that's what makes Him so very important in our lives. He loves us, and once you know him, he will never let you go. He get's us back in the game for sure.

It's so good to see you Clay and I'm glad to hear things are going uphill again. :) Praise the Lord

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"Unanswered Prayers" is one song that has help me a lot. It is so true to life and I think about a former love everytime I hear it.

Glad to hear you feel better about your direction, but remember................God steers us for a reason. Keep the faith and congrats on your new found happiness. :)

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Hey bud, you aren't the only one that has been down, so don't feel lonely. I have been down in the dumps for over a year. I resigned as Pastor of a church on Dec. 31 2007 and things were going great but then the troubles came and I let the devil get the best of me. I moved off to Mississippi last year for selfish reasons when God had a door open for me here at a church I was attending. One thing you don't do is close a door God has opened, I learned that the hard way. Needless to say, after realizing my mistake(s) I feel pretty low right now, I haven't attended church like I'm supposed to, don't read the Bible like I'm supposed to (yes even preachers get discouraged), so I know where you're coming from. I attended a church service last night that helped me a whole lot. The preaching was good but there was one song that just about had me in tears, "Near The Cross."

If you don't know it here's the lyrics:

Jesus, keep me near the cross,

There a precious fountain

Free to all, a healing stream

Flows from Calvary's mountain.

In the cross, in the cross,

Be my glory ever;

Till my raptured soul shall find

Rest beyond the river.

Near the cross, a trembling soul,

Love and mercy found me;

There the bright and morning star

Sheds its beams around me.

In the cross, in the cross,

Be my glory ever;

Till my raptured soul shall find

Rest beyond the river.

Near the cross! O Lamb of God,

Bring its scenes before me;

Help me walk from day to day,

With its shadows o'er me.

In the cross, in the cross,

Be my glory ever;

Till my raptured soul shall find

Rest beyond the river.

Near the cross I'll watch and wait

Hoping, trusting ever,

Till I reach the golden strand,

Just beyond the river.

In the cross, in the cross,

Be my glory ever;

Till my raptured soul shall find

Rest beyond the river.

Try to find it on the internet and listen to it, I assure you it will bless you. It's an older hymn, but man do I ever love listening to it.

God bless you Clay.

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  • 2 weeks later...
We all have our ups and downs brother...............If not for the low points we would never learn to appreciate the high points in our life.

I've had those "Character" building moments in my life...that seemed at the time to last forever!!!

Today they motivate me to do better. For the longest time I kept wondering why it seemed that God was no longer listening to me like he had in the past. Why did it seem that there where things in my life that did not get fixed that were glaring back at me from my past? Those were the times when I was broken, had beat myself up, and thought God had abandoned me.

In the process of getting to where I am today I realized I was made to be a vessel. I thought my life before was complete and whole. Then the veil was removed when the pain of people leaving became too much. My life had cracks in it and some of them where huge. Some of those cracks had to be repaired by God just to keep me functioning. I know that He did the work simply because I tried and could not do it. Other areas have never been repaired and that bothered me for a long time. Now it does not bother me at all...I know that my faults are cracks that leak out what God had to put back inside of me just to keep me running!

I know beyond any doubt that I need God to keep refilling me.

I know what I need in my life beyond any doubt and only God can provide that...I know I have to depend on him. I know what being on my own without him in my life is like.

It is my best motivation to have those memories. I try today not to forget the past because I dont want there to be any chance of having to repeat it and re-learn the lessons I learned the last time.

I know where Guilt comes from and it's not my Loving Father in Heaven!

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  • 5 weeks later...

We can never understand the reasons but...

God always loves us even when we feel so undeserving. There are so many clei'ches but they are all TRUE. 1.) Never give up the faith. 2.) keep on trying 3.) Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven etc... Could you imagine what it would be like to go through lifes tough times without having a deep rooted faith in an all knowing all loving God? Often when we are put through the most difficult times in our lives God is teaching us a lesson...Oh my GOSH!!! I just had a HUGE revelation just typing this and thinking about your post. See God works in mysterious ways. It took two years and lots of anger and grieving to understand why God had taken away from me the thing that ment everything to me in this world and I just now realized why!!!! I am freaking out here because it is so clear now and I have been agonizing about it for two stinkin' years!!! Anyway, this is not about me, it is about you and I am sure God is glad you are back on trach and he will be there waiting for you again and again if you ever fall off track again.

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